(no subject)

You know what? Screw it. This fucker is public again. I drowned it in a wave of fear that it would somehow jeopardize my new career, but that was 6 years ago, my new career is now my problematic new-old career, and if they really cared to find me for dirt (like there's even any here?), they'd probably check Facebook, anyway. So why bother?

I'm back to trying to get in the saddle with exercise again. I really miss how I used to feel, but I'm still learning to navigate this new gut whatsit.  When I'm flaring and losing weight, it's just about impossible to do anything beyond what it takes to drag my ass through the day.  I usually give up halfway through any attempt at further exercise. Recently I've been thinking of Nightpaws, feeling like an absolute pussy when she's kicking ass and taking names with effing Crohns, and here I am wibbling over something so minor I haven't even been hospitalized.  So, you know, trying to turn over a new rock.  It's been roughly like this:

Day 1: "Oh yeah, I remember this stuff. Hoo hoo, look at my funny bird arms and my noodle keg"
Day 3: "DAMMIT WHY CAN'T I STABILIZE A HANDSTAND ALREADY"

It's hard to accept the now over body-memories of how it used to be.  So I compose drawings in my head while I work out to take my mind off of how much I suck.  I should draw some of them, they're hot.  I'm scared of drawing again.  :x  I lose dayyyyys

But wait, Squid is upside-down, gently snoring next to me on the couch. He's naked for the winter and his tummy is SO PINK. Ohdog.  <3

ANYWAY. ...no, actually, I think I've derailed into not caring to write anymore. It may be time for bed, or second dinner. Think I'll put this plastic teat down long enough to find out which.