Parde Witko

the dog sprawls on the floor, chewing and gnawing at the rashes and irritations of urban living. I often wonder what would happen if he could live in his beloved forest, ever exploring and discovering

my wife curls in the bed, desperately trying to journal away her mental illness. I often wonder what would happen if she could live in her beloved mountains, ever exploring and discovering

me and my goofy looking homebody puppy are on the couch.

Dream in the middle of a restless night: I'm waiting at the ferry terminal and have bought some jewelry from a Native man. He shows up, hands a purchased item to someone else, but when he sees me, he says "I have some things for you." I make an anticipatory sound, to which he quirks his lips as if dubious I should be excited to receive these things. Then he turns and digs in a bag for a bit.

When he turns around, he has a leather sachet in his hand and some items in the other. As he feeds them into the sachet, he tells me what they are... but in his own tongue, which I can't understand. I try hard to follow as he gets more and more frustrated with my lack of comprehension. Finally, he just hands me the sachet with a helpless shrug. I want to show him the gift is appreciated, so I hug him, pushing my forehead under his chin in a cat gesture. I feel the warmth between us as I do so, and he chuckles in surprise and hesitantly puts his hands on my back for a moment, not quite a hug. I feel like we both know it was a meaningful exchange, despite the lack of communication.

Other things happen in the dream for awhile, things that aren't important enough to remember. Suddenly I remember the sachet and am worried it's been lost. I find it in my coat pocket and decide to finally look inside. It's empty. I wake up.

Asked: when I move, should I just cut ties with my partners? Got a no, but.

Eadha, White Poplar, inverted: my fears are drowning out my instincts.
Straif, Blackthorn: Pain, wounding, struggle.
Coll, Hazel, inverted: intuitive or creative blockage.

fucken. woo.

Every now and then, something reminds me of loving Ash so much that it hurt. I lived in that bliss for more years than many get, and am thankful. Under the surface, though, the loss is still keen.

Beith, Birch: new beginnings.
Ruis, Elder: the completion of a path begins the process of renewal.
Tinne, Holly, reversed: lack of direction and balance. Take stock, understand the situation before proceeding.

Late af for this, life has been full of distractions and I'm still trying to adjust to the self-consciousness of devotions with someone else in the room. Today was simply a blind groping question: what will the month bring?

ogham#1: Ur, Heather. Spiritual growth, healing.
ogham#2: Gort, Ivy. The wandering of the soul, the search for self.
ogham#3: Mor, The Sea, inverted. Don't forget your roots.

I blubbered, they missed me. Will strive to do better. <3 Also felt an extra spark of excitement while offering to the unnamed deities, someone new is here. The goddess Ash met? I don't know. Whoever it is wants to make contact and is excited for hospitality. They feel light, sort of youthful? Very different from the flavor of entities who usually bother with me. eeeeee

and let me say it again: the nature spirits in this part of the city? Are AMAZING. THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM, WTF. The room feels full when I call the wild kindred. I lived in the middle of nowhere and didn't feel this many with interest in my work. Tame wild spirits? 8D Whatever, they like wine and tobacco and I like their energy. Makes me think of De Lint and wonder how much of his urban fantasy is based directly on dabbling in city magic.

Rainbows edging everything, you can see them briefly when you look away. Warmth of the sun on the bedsheets, soft and delicious against my bare legs. A request for Corpo-Mente produces beautiful blooming patterns of bones and flowers that shift temptingly. Wardruna follows and suddenly I am plunged bodily into first growth shadows and moss, up to my neck even. My roots grow deep and the sustenance of the land and sky flow into me. I am ageless, ancient, and connected to everything.

We walk through the green tunnel that is our street. The sharp edges of everything smooth out to let me pass: I walk softly in the world and it softens for me. I reach out for leaves, bark, stone and marvel at them. I make ordinary conversation but beneath the surface I am reaching deep into the earth. As we emerge onto a more populated street, I am suddenly aware of the people around me. I can feel their experiences and flavors in a superficial way. They are all so different! A man across the street from me is also on a journey, and much deeper than I am. I can feel his wonder and the patience of his two sitters behind him. I am glad he has help, he's wide open.

Being close to Ash, I can feel the threads of reality that she always talks about weaving, but I can't quite comprehend as deeply what they mean to her because I can't see their colors. I only feel their textures and how they're connecting. I am moss and bone and mycorrhizae, nothing escapes my notice but I am not necessarily equipped to understand all of it. It feels significant to remember this.

The waves begin to ebb as we reach the apartment again. I'm still altered, but my individual self is less enmeshed in the fabric of reality. A very strong suggestion to nap hits me, and I do as the last of the sunlight trails through the branches.

........................................

I woke up today feeling like working, so I called the Kindred and we spent some time passing sustenance back and forth. I cast ogham asking if I should continue exploring this new avenue (with a tiny side question of whether this was the new beginning I'd been getting nudged toward), got an emphatic YES. First ogham was Beith, Birch, new beginnings. haha Second was Mor, the Sea... travel, hidden resources and maternal links. Third has been showing up often and balanced the other two's beauty: Straif, the Blackthorn. Fate is pushing, the experience may be hard and unpleasant.

Anyone who knows me at all will understand how much I loved this casting. I think it may be my favorite yet.

I closed my holy space today. I also sent my son off to his father, and I'm trying to let go of my partner. During the ritual, I asked some questions and for an omen.

Question 1: I'm tempted sorely to leave the option open for a return to some sort of relationship with my partner. Should I keep the relationship platonic? Three upright cards, a solid yes.

Ogham#1: Fearn, Alder. Oracular and protective.
Ogham#2: Beith, Birch. A new beginning.
Ogham#3: Quert, Apple. Narrowing focus to appreciate what is present/real.

Question 2: Redundant, but things have changed. Should I still keep things platonic with K? Two upright, one inverted. Yes, but.

Ogham#1: Mor, The Sea. Hidden knowledge revealed, birth, place of origin, travel?
Ogham#2: Gort, Ivy, inverted. Acting out of selfishness can bind and choke others.
Ogham#3: Luis, Rowan. Regain control of all your senses, determine right from wrong.

Question 3: an omen for the move to come.

Ogham#1: Ioho, Yew, inverted. Rebirth.
Ogham#2: Koad, Grove, inverted. Don't focus narrowly on one thing, be open.
Ogham#3: Oir, Spindle. Complete tasks presented to you with your utmost and no evasion.

Lots of tears, closings, and requests to protect my loved ones in this time of change. And I let my partner go. I need to try to hold onto this feeling of clarity.

Today I began the process of informing the local kindred that I intend to move. After reassuring my patrons that I would not abandon them and telling local spirits that I would bless them from afar to the best of my abilities, I drew an omen for my move. It made me smile:

First ogham: Ruis, Elder, lucky 13. The end is the beginning is the end.

Second ogham: Ioho, Yew. Rebirth, life given fresh vigor, understanding gained from forgotten knowledge.

Third ogham: Gort, Ivy. Search for the self.

So good to have a goal in sight at last.

The time of resting is passing
the time of planting approaches.
My fields lie barren among the unmarked lands
the wind bears down fiercely and the snows fall relentlessly.
From these ambivilant wild spirits
I ask a boon.

I, small and at your whim, will make an offering
to assuage you Outsiders
to appease you and please you
and win from you grudging consent
to spare my mountain world,
my home, my safety, my kin, our fields
above the great surrounding sea.

I offer this wine, red as blood
this sweet tobacco, and sage grown by my hand.
Please calm your fury
spare my shelter
release my land.