(no subject)

I've been feeling empty and restless this week. Knee-jerk reaction is to reach out to local friends, but none of them are able to spare time, so I back off so as not to appear needy. But I sure notice this is a typical thing in my friendships. If they need me, I'm there with bells on and glad to be able. But the vast majority of my relationships seem to be built on my staying independent. Ask for actual help and it's crickets from almost all corners. Those who would help live too far away.

To be clear: I don't blame other people for this, I know I have a part in this persistent pattern. I'm looking forward to being more whole again, though. I hate asking for help and being in need of it only makes me more clear as to why. Even all these years later, needing help gives me days I miss my home town so keenly it burns. I didn't realize how unusual an actual community is until I left it.

c'mon, little arm, come back to meeeeee