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Demisexuality is one of those labels I identify with, but don't know if others would agree... the overall definition fits, but the people who embrace it seem more solidly on the ace spectrum than I feel I am? But the thing's been kind of influencing the shit out of my recent personal history and I feel like picking at it a bit.
So my understanding is demisexuals tend to only have sexual feelings for people they know well and/or are romantically involved with. I guess in a general way, that's me. But getting more in-depth with the whole process, my feelings of attraction happen almost immediately after meeting someone. The pull isn't sexual, it just feels like someone snagged a fishhook in my belly, started pulling me toward this person and I am NOTICING them! haha There's no outward rhyme or reason to it. No specific size, shape, gender, whatever. Just some people are special?? And about 90% of the time, we become friends or acquaintances and that's as far as I'm willing to take it. But the other 10% hit me harder, and some even notice I'm flirting awkwardly, rofl.
Usually it takes years for it to get anywhere, if I even let it get somewhere. During stretches with a monogamous partner, window shopping is just fine. But I recently got gobsmacked by an acquaintance hurtling into intense relationship-and-sex territory over the course of about a day, so I guess that's not out of the question? Even in that situation, it's taking time for me to settle down enough to get off without tons of work and false starts during sexings. I'm just not comfortable enough yet. Needless to say, one night stands are an interesting and alien concept. LOL In general, arousal is internally motivated for me. Erotic stuff, particularly writing can get the engine running, but most of the time desire is why I search for porn, not the other way around. BIG exception to the rule is when I get hot and bothered from pleasuring my partners, but if I'm not in the mood, no amount of sexy is gonna elicit more than a pleasant next-door compersion.
None of this has had much bearing on my life before now because it fits cheat mode neatly into heteronormative monogamous marriage models. But it's been kind of a thing in my poly explorations [potentially identifying stuff left out since journal's public, you'll have to trust me here]. A partner was asking about demi, trying to understand the situation a little, and I've been trying to cough something up ever since. I have no idea if my own experience makes their partner's reaction or how we ended up together any more sensible, but I'm half past uncomfortable and kinda done with the subject now. :V
So my understanding is demisexuals tend to only have sexual feelings for people they know well and/or are romantically involved with. I guess in a general way, that's me. But getting more in-depth with the whole process, my feelings of attraction happen almost immediately after meeting someone. The pull isn't sexual, it just feels like someone snagged a fishhook in my belly, started pulling me toward this person and I am NOTICING them! haha There's no outward rhyme or reason to it. No specific size, shape, gender, whatever. Just some people are special?? And about 90% of the time, we become friends or acquaintances and that's as far as I'm willing to take it. But the other 10% hit me harder, and some even notice I'm flirting awkwardly, rofl.
Usually it takes years for it to get anywhere, if I even let it get somewhere. During stretches with a monogamous partner, window shopping is just fine. But I recently got gobsmacked by an acquaintance hurtling into intense relationship-and-sex territory over the course of about a day, so I guess that's not out of the question? Even in that situation, it's taking time for me to settle down enough to get off without tons of work and false starts during sexings. I'm just not comfortable enough yet. Needless to say, one night stands are an interesting and alien concept. LOL In general, arousal is internally motivated for me. Erotic stuff, particularly writing can get the engine running, but most of the time desire is why I search for porn, not the other way around. BIG exception to the rule is when I get hot and bothered from pleasuring my partners, but if I'm not in the mood, no amount of sexy is gonna elicit more than a pleasant next-door compersion.
None of this has had much bearing on my life before now because it fits cheat mode neatly into heteronormative monogamous marriage models. But it's been kind of a thing in my poly explorations [potentially identifying stuff left out since journal's public, you'll have to trust me here]. A partner was asking about demi, trying to understand the situation a little, and I've been trying to cough something up ever since. I have no idea if my own experience makes their partner's reaction or how we ended up together any more sensible, but I'm half past uncomfortable and kinda done with the subject now. :V
